SAUCIER — Changed, not ended

It’s the month of saints and sinners.

In church, we have a large scroll with the names of the parishioners who died in the past year. Saints and sinners all.

Looking at the list, I thought of three names already on next year’s scroll: a classmate, a man from our prayer group, and a colleague from work.

They all touched my life in some way.

Take that friend from work. I say friend, but not in the usual sense of that word. We didn’t socialize, didn’t have common activities. He was a biker and a bowler, accomplished at both — and I was not.

He had cancer before me. When I had my surgery and was facing chemo, he came to me to see how I was doing. His questions to me, about my body and my spirit, led me far beyond diagnosis and treatment.

After that, we spent hours talking. As they carpet-bombed my body, and side effects appeared, he was my coach, my cheerleader, my beacon of hope.

At that point, he was doing well with his sickness, and the future held promise. He taught me, though, that cancer wasn’t something you just try to defeat or survive.

Even in remission, even in some miraculous disappearance, it remains a part of your life, and, if you have the courage to acknowledge that, it will offer you gifts.

I saw those gifts flourish in him. They gave an intensity to his life, to his love for his family, to his appreciation of his world, and to the strength of his faith.

The week before he died, I found him kneeling in church, hands clasped and head down. I could only think of Jesus in the garden.

“My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will.”

It’s an honest prayer, but his cup didn’t pass. So, trusting in that greater Will, he drank it deeply, completely, just as he had his cup of life.

The month of saints and sinners urges us to remember those who have gone before us and to pray for them.

To tell the truth, I have a hard time praying for my friend. I trust that the God who cared for him in life is just as caring in death, without any encouragement from me.

But I will remember him and remind myself that the goodness of others is meant to live on in our lives.